i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
