Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
