He kissed a someone with a penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything