Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ