If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?