she was so not down for the gang bang
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY