a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."