dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.