dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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