i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What a dumb baby whore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
