apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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