What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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