Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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