yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
