I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
