Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
