I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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