Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
