he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
