I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
