I'm drive I can fine osifer
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
