the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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