last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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