I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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