I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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