Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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