Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
