omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
