70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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