Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
