what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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