She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
