He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
