I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
