I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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