I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
