She's JV to your varsity
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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