i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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