Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
