apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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