Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
