we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
