We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
