They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.