On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Two words: nipple clamps
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