he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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