Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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