Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
