I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
