I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
