so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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