I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
