i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
