Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you bring me the toilet please
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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