I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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