why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
