I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
