when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
