I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
