we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
