How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
