cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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