Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
