After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
