if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
